Walking Wounded

You don't get through life without some battle wounds.

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

You don’t get through life without some battle wounds.  Maybe these wounds are left behind by a traumatic childhood, a toxic relationship, or a broken friendship.  Maybe as you look around, your life is nothing like you had planned or hoped it to be.  Perhaps even your soul feels wounded because God seems to be silent.  No matter what your wounds are or how you acquired them, they affect how you interact with the world.  When we ignore our wounds, the infection spreads.  When we acknowledge our wounds, we begin to heal.

About 10 years ago, I was going about my normal routine when an ignored wound reared its ugly head.  My three boys, ages 3, 5, and 7 were playing Legos upstairs.  My husband was sitting in his home office leisurely reading on his computer.  I called out, “Dinner’s ready!” and silence followed.  No one came.  Instantly, I felt overwhelmed with emotion.  I sat on the kitchen floor with my back against the cabinets and began to sob.  A ground shaking, snot-nosed, guttural kind of sob.  

My husband came out of his office to find me on the floor.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, wondering if I had received some terrible news, like another death in the family.  “No one came for dinner when I called,” I responded, as if that should clear things up.  My husband looked bewildered.

My wound was telling me that my boys did not come for dinner when I called them because they do not value me or love me.  The reality was they were children who needed to be taught to come when their mom calls.  They were caught up in an exciting Lego build and were rushing to finish putting together the last few pieces before they ran downstairs.  

My wound was telling me that my husband did not come for dinner when I called because he does not love me or value me.  In reality, he just needed a few minutes to finish the article he was reading.  Everything that man does is rooted in love for me.

When I view life through my wounds, I make things more intense than they should be. I put pressure on my children to tip-toe around me because they never know what will set me off next.  I make my husband feel as if nothing he does will be enough, because my gut reaction will be that I am unloved.

Thankfully, my overreaction was the wakeup call I needed to seek help.  The next day, I booked an appointment with a counselor.  Over time, my counselor guided me in identifying my wounds.  (Spoiler alert:  When your parents are heroin addicts, your mom abandons you at 5 years old, and you are raised by your narcissistic father and cruel stepmother, you have a lot of wounds.) 

Once my counselor helped me identify my wounds, they immediately lost much of their power.  Over time, I have been able to recognize my wounds and speak truth to myself when I feel them whispering lies in my ear.  I have mantras that I speak to myself when my emotions want to take over:  “I am safe, I am known, I am loved”.

If you are walking wounded, which I believe we all are, I would encourage you to take steps toward identifying your wounds.  Maybe you are self-aware, and you can identify them on your own through meditation and prayer.  Perhaps you have a close friend who can help you identify areas where you are walking wounded.  Maybe you are like me, and your wounds are too numerous to count, so professional counseling is in order.  Wherever you are in your healing journey, identifying wounds can help you gain some much needed freedom and traction in your life.

Just like untreated physical wounds, untreated emotional wounds also get infected and spread.  Emotional wounds left untreated get passed down to our children.  That terrifies me enough to make me want to do the hard work toward healing.  May God help us!

Have you ever had a moment you realized you were walking wounded?

What are some mantras that help you?