There was a time when I thought I would never stop grieving. I was in a long season of pain from losing so many people I loved, one after another. I felt doomed, like death had a personal vendetta against me and was making a point. Life (or rather death) had thrown me a crash course in grief. Here are some lessons I learned the hard way. May they bring you some guidance and comfort if you find yourself in a season of heartache.
Everyone grieves differently and that’s okay. Give yourself and those around you the grace to grieve differently. It might feel therapeutic to go through your loved ones' items right away, or you might just want to leave things where they are for a year or two. Both things are okay. You might find comfort by visiting the grave, or that might be anxiety inducing. Don’t feel pressured to do what everyone else is doing. Find ways to communicate your feelings and compromise with those you are grieving with. Grieve in a way that is comforting to you, as long as it is not hurting others.
Choose coping mechanisms that are healthy long term. We were not meant to carry such sadness and brokenness. When grieving, we need ways to help us cope. Some coping mechanisms will not help us long term. Drowning your sorrow in food and alcohol might feel like relief in the moment, but a few months later you’ll find yourself 20 pounds heavier and more depressed than ever. Instead, choose coping mechanisms that are good for you. I have found walking with a friend, writing, reading the Psalms, and going to counseling to be healthy ways to cope with my broken heart.
Grief does not come in stages. All of your emotions are tangled up in a messy ball of yarn. A memory can trigger feelings of anger and joy at the same time. You are not crazy. It is normal to feel conflicting emotions in the same moment during grief. Grief is not neat and tidy. Give yourself permission to feel all the feels however and whenever they appear.
Make time for grieving. Unfortunately, life does not slow down and give you space for grieving. You have to hit the ground running. But if you do not deal with your grief, it will sneak attack you when you least expect it. You’ll find yourself sobbing on a stranger's shoulder on the card aisle in Walmart the week before Mother’s Day. This is not a pretty look. Instead, set aside time for grieving. Sit in a hot steamy shower for 30 minutes each night to ugly cry. Or take a few hours on Saturday to sneak off to a coffee shop to journal. Or make a once a week appointment to cry in your counselors office. Set aside time that is regular and is just for you.
Grief changes you. I am not the same person I was before grief shook my world and changed me forever. But I don’t have to view that as a negative thing. In fact, I choose to see it as my super power. Because of grief, I am a stronger, more compassionate human than before. My grief spidey senses start tingling when someone is in distress, and I know all the things to NOT say when someone is struggling with loss. I once felt like grief had disfigured me, but I now see the beauty in it.
♥ Feel free to share with someone who might need a bit of encouragement today.♥
Thank you! I needed this!
so beautiful ♥️